


22

by ASlick12



Category: Arashi (Band), Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-08
Updated: 2015-08-08
Packaged: 2018-04-13 13:45:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4524270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ASlick12/pseuds/ASlick12
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>22 prompts and 22 different drabbles of Sakumoto (:</p><p>*from the community soba-pair on LJ</p>
            </blockquote>





	22

**Author's Note:**

> The prompts are not mine they are prompts from soba-pair on LJ @  
> http://soba-pair.livejournal.com/
> 
> Enjoy the pieces none the less(:

**22**

 

* * *

 

 

 

**1\. Sakumoto moments**

There were moments when he understood entirely why it was they were doing this crazy thing they were doing. Where he understood that he put everything at risk for this one being. These moments were special to him. It was watching Jun brush his teeth at night through the bathroom door and seeing the way his eyebrow rose in the slightest way as he made sure he got every tooth. It was how intent he was making a bento for their lunches or how his hands looked crafting the food into perfect portions. The moments when he saw Jun standing alone highlighted by the lights of a stage, surrounded by the roar of screaming fans, and all Jun can do is think to look over and grin at him. It was walking into their home after work and seeing the younger man passed out wearing Sho's sweatshirt with their fluffiest blanket thrown across his lap and a book left forgotten on his chest. It the small sounds Jun makes at night when he begins to fall asleep and the way he smiles in the morning. The moments when Jun is sleeping beside him and mumbles his name in his sleep. It how his hand will unconsciously find it's way to Sho's shirt when he's asleep. Sho loved the way Jun grinned at him when he woke up despite looking like he might fall asleep in his breakfast. He loves that Jun has to drink at least two cups of coffee in the morning before he can even think of functioning properly. Sometimes it's the way Jun kisses. How every ounce of feeling he couldn't convey with words just seems to pour out of his heart. Most of all it is how when Jun looks at him everything that is wrong in his world can instantly feel like it's miles away.

 

* * *

 

 

**2.Pillows**

At first Sho hated sleeping with Jun because no matter how many pillows he had on his bed the younger man would always steal his in the middle of the night and he'd be stuck searching for one after another until Jun had no other options but to use him as a pillow. By morning all of the pillows that had once been on Sho's bed were scattered across the floor and he was left curled into Jun with the younger man using Sho's, then dead, arm as his pillow. Later in their relationship Sho learned that if he made the other man use him as a pillow to begin with he wouldn't get his taken late at night when he's too tired to fight back. No matter how many times he would wake up with a dead arm it was always worth it to wake up with all but two pillows thrown to the floor and a sleepy eyed Jun smiling up at him from his chest. It was worth it when the younger man brought him coffee and breakfast in bed as an apology for sleeping on him the entire night. It was worth it when Jun finally moved in and refused to sleep on him the first few nights. It was worth the argument about it and pulling Jun onto him every night once the younger man was asleep. It was worth it because Sakurai Sho loved his pillows but he also loved his Maachan.

 

* * *

 

 

**3\. I Know You Haven't Made Your Mind Up Yet But I Would Never Do You Wrong**

It was not easy sitting in the dressing room with a nights worth of confessions on his mind. The idea that the other man had harbored such feelings for so many years despite his horrible words left a heavy weight in the pit of Jun's stomach. He wasn't ready to face the man and yet time was not on his side as his job revolved around viewing his band mate. So he chose the route that left him lying on the sofa pretending to sleep instead of greeting each of them as they shuffled in. To most this was a normal occurrence seeing as the youngest was still filming and he had only a few hours of sleep here and there. He listening to their chatter as they warmed up and waited to be called for their hair and make up. Of course Sho was one of the first to be called and Jun would be one of the last but hopefully that meant he would be able to ignore the man for at least another hour. When the room is silent once more; Jun's solitude does not last long.

“I know you're not sleeping.”

“Yes I am.”

He knew he was being silly and childish but he also knew that every word Sho had told him last night was still ringing in his head. Perhaps Sho knew he was being childish but that did not stop him from balancing on what little space was left of the sofa behind Jun's back. Sho's hand is warm where it is placed on his hip. “Look I know you don't want to hear anymore of what I have to say and that you haven't made your mind up yet and that's alright but Jun...” Jun opens his eyes and stares at the black leather in front of him at the catch in Sho's throat. The older man squeezes his hip for a moment before releasing his breath the next. “I would never do you wrong again...or at least I would try my very hardest not to.”

Another sigh, more aggravated than the last, passes through Sho's lips as he grumbles to himself. Jun can feel his heart start to race when She stands as if to finally leave. Sho is only stopped when a heavy hand is falling around his wrist and holding him in place. Jun is lying facing him now and his hand is holding firmly to his wrist begging him not to walk away. “Stay.” And he does. It doesn't matter that he did not get the answer to the question that he had been asking. He was asked to stay and he would until Jun decided for better or worse what his choice would be. That was enough for Sho.

 

* * *

 

 

**4\. If I Had You....If You Were Mine...**

The take out in his hand was greasy and smelled amazing and yet the door before him looked oddly intimidating. Sure he had been here a thousand times with the others but this was him alone bringing their friend, who had been acting odd lately, greasy takeout in hopes of brightening his mood. The dark wood door opens after a few moments to reveal a disheveled haired Matsumoto Jun wearing his thick framed glasses and a black sweater that was definitely his upset sweater if ever there was one.

“I brought takeout.”

Jun nods and moves aside to let the older man through before moving back to his sofa without another word and curling up in his corner once more. Sho had known the younger man for many years and he, as well as the others, knew that Jun had many hints to when he was upset. The bright man would be abnormally quiet, and almost always wore his glasses and sweaters into work. He rarely went out and when they visited him at home he'd be wearing his black sweater from some time around their debut that he had stolen from Sho and would take up position on the far left corner of his sofa without any words. Classical music would be playing in the background of his apartment from somewhere in the kitchen.

“We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to.” Jun meets his gaze as he lays out plates for the two of them and begins portioning out their favorite Chinese takeout dishes between the two of them. Jun seems like he's thinking over the prospects of what it would mean to share something with Sho but the older man knew that as long as he did not push for information Jun would tell him, as said by Leader. “If you do want to talk I'm more than willing to be a silent listener.”

Jun takes the plate being offered to him and settles his feet on the floor once more. Silence engulfs them as they listen to the music playing around the house. Sho can feel his shoulders relaxing as memories of their time spent when they were younger resurfaces in his head. Jun had always had music playing in his bedroom when they studied together and his room was more mature than most teen's rooms so they sat together in a pillowed sitting area and work in the silence alongside one another until other things caught their interest.

“Shun told me that it wasn't a good idea back when everything first started.” Sho glances up in surprise but Jun doesn't meet his eyes as he toys with his chopsticks. He looked like he was honestly trying not to cry but their was an anger in his eyes. Something only Jun could pull off, he was sick of crying. “I didn't listen and we were really good at first. Shota and I we lasted for a really long time. One would think five years would mean you've lasted right? I guess that wasn't true.”

“Jun-”

Sho felt like stopping his friend because the thought of someone doing something to hurt Jun was unthinkable. Jun was honestly one of the nicest people Sho could have ever met in his life. He gave others so much of himself no matter if it meant crossing his boundaries so long as they were happy. Most people were not stupid enough to take advantage of that and were hard pressed to do anything to hurt the young man. The thought that someone, namely Matsuda, was arrogant enough to do something to make Jun act the way he currently was, set Sho's emotions in a boil. He wanted to find the man and make him pay for every tear that my have of might fall from Jun's eyes.

“I was out to eat with Shun and Toma at a small restaurant Shota and I often went to after filming. He was supposed to be filming for a guest appearance but he was there.” Sho's eyes fly up toward Jun who is staring unhappily into space. “He was there with another woman. She was really pretty I can understand what he saw in her. He went to the bathroom and I introduced myself to her as his friend. She knew who I was and was oh so excited to tell me that it was their four year anniversary today. Four years...they had been together for four years.”

Sho glares fiercely at that and watches as Jun stares into space. He could not rely on what Ohno or what the other two would do in this situation because that just would not work and Jun would merely play off that he was okay to appease them, especially Masaki. Instead he lets the silence linger for a bit longer and collects their dirty dishes.

“He's an idiot then.” Jun looks up as surprise completely takes over his normally stoic features. He was so open around them sometimes that it was ironic that people called him the cold one. There are a million questions in Jun's eyes as he studies Sho. Sho wouldn't let him wait to ask questions. “If I had you Jun...That's to say, if you were mine, I'd never be able to look at another person and find them more appealing than you. It's simply impossible to find someone as clearly genuine, gentle, and caring as you. So he's an idiot.”

“Sho-chan...”

“That's my opinion on the matter.” Jun offers him a half smile full of amazement and Sho decided to lighten the thick mood with a bit of banter. “Of course a small part of me wants to hunt him down and protect Maachan's honor.” At that Jun throws a pillow at him but the laughter was well worth it.

 

* * *

 

 

**5\. Pandas**

Jun's apartment was almost entirely cleaned out save for a few things in his bedroom left to be packed and moved into the new house. Nino and Ohno had drug Aiba into Sho's already jam packed suv to make sure someone was in the new house when the moving truck got there. Jun's small sports car had been traded in for a larger suv that did not scream idol so much and made it easier for the two of them to share car space for everyday trips. Jun was currently in the kitchen making sure none of his expensive cookware were forgotten in the move. He would certainly be devastated if he had to try and replace irreplaceable pans from the collection he bought in Italy. Jun's room had once been the epicenter of their shared space and was lined with hundreds of reminders of their love.

Now there was a box on the floor where their bed had been and another sitting by the partially cleared shelves which held knickknacks, pictures, and memories. Their closet was completely empty save for a few wooden hangers they wouldn't be needing. The trunk Jun usually kept at the foot of their bed with his Arashi memorabilia in was already sitting by the door prepared to be put in the trunk and taken to their new home. The home was not anything big and in a fairly conspicuous area of a town that saw many of Japan's top stars. Jin and Shun did not live far from them with their small families which made it more real for the two idols. Sho began picking up the picture frames of friends and family that had graced their lives over the years. There were photos of Arashi and favorite pictures of Sho and Jun. One of Sho's favorite picture from their junior years was settled alongside an old and worn out stuffed panda bear. Jun had set it up on the shelf years ago when they found it while remodeling the closet.

“Are you ready Sho?”

Sho turns with the toy still in his hands and smiles dazzlingly over at his lover. If anyone would have told him when he was twenty and won the silly panda toy for his friend at a fair that he'd be here with Jun, he would have laughed in their faces. His twenty year old self was certainly very naive.

“Hai, let's get everything packed up and find a new spot for Panda at the new house, ne?”

 

* * *

 

 

**6\. Suits**

There was something about Matsumoto Jun in a suit that never failed to make something in Sakurai Sho's heart stutter impatiently. Even after years of seeing the other man wear expensive clothes and costumes on stage they never did to him what a suit could. The half naked spreads in magazines putting the younger man in compromising positions were incredibly mesmerizing but there was something about the elegance only Jun could pull off when wearing a suit that got him going every time. Sho wore them everyday and saw countless men wearing them at the news studio but they never turned him on in the same heady, desperate way.

There were no frills that often came with the title of being a Johnny's singer and instead it was clean, sharp, and most of all incredibly sexy in a mouthwatering 'can't take it off of you quick enough' kind of way. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, they were still on set for the JAL CM and he couldn't pull his band mate aside and have his wicked way with him all while holding his tied hands up with that godforsaken black silk tie. Perhaps Jun knew what he was doing to his band mate because he made no protest when the older man leaned forward to nip secretively at his ear and begin whispering in his ear. “Wear that for me tonight.” It was not an option rather a demand. Like he said, Matsumoto Jun in suits does strange things to him.

 

* * *

 

 

**7\. Phones**

Being idols sometimes it was nearly impossible to see each other personally outside of working hours or to talk about something privately. Having a relationship between two idols made doing so even more difficult, Jun and Sho thought. Sometimes it felt like their phones were the only connections they had to one another. It was a simple text or a late night phone call on the way home from work half asleep in the back seat. It was three am messages after reporting telling the other goodnight or a short emoji sent for good luck the next morning. For Jun and Sho who had learned early on that communicating was key to remaining together their phones had become a large part of who they were together. They had become adept at sending texts with rapid speed in between takes or photos. It was the nerve to send a message at three am knowing you wouldn't get a reply but that it would make the other's morning when they woke up the next day. Their phones were also a gift to have when someone traveled and they had no other way to see the other's face.

“Konbanwa Maachan.”

The hotel room looked bland, Jun decided, and Sho's face puffy from lack of sleep. His chipmunk cheeks were stuffed with his late dinner and his robe already slipping off his slopping shoulders that Jun loved so much. “Shouldn't you be sleeping? You look exhausted Sho-chan.” A slow smile crosses the other mans lips as he tries to free up his mouth. There were others from the crew and staff surely next door but Sho was likely the only one left up. Jun was still on set waiting for the last takes but they would not come for a good few minutes.

“So do you Maachan.”

Sho was smiling in his usual mother hen way and Jun knew he'd be 'persuaded' into a short cuddle and nap as soon as the other man returned however difficult doing so may be with their schedules. This was just how they were and while Jun loved their relationship others thought it was a bit odd how 'unaffectionate' they appeared when together. Comparing them to Nino and Ohno they rarely touched, but what could be considered friendly ones, and they did not snuggle up or grope one another. Their love was defined through a glance every one in a while and a touch to reassure themselves that they're still on the ground and not falling away. Others it was a simple text, call, or video chat at one in the morning that made everything alright again.

 

* * *

 

 

**8\. Chocolate**

Sho knew from experience that if there was one thing that could cheer up Matsumoto Jun after a frustrating day at work it was cuddling on their sofa, watching old concert dvds, and chocolate. A steaming mug of cocoa and even a bowl of chocolate ice cream from time to time usually did the trick. Sometimes those options were not at his disposal when he noticed his lover getting increasingly more frustrated and upset with himself. Jun was a hard worker and hated to mess up but like anyone else there were days when he pushed himself to far and couldn't find feet to stand on when he made mistakes. Today was no different as they finally finished the last take of filming for AnShi and the group of five were trudging back to the green room to change. Jun had messed up more than anyone out of the group and while the other four understood considering his tight schedule he became more down as the takes continued.

Of course knowing the only thing at his disposal was chocolate at the moment, Sho took a small detour to the break room they often used and pulled out his secret stash of cocoa he hid in the very back of the middle drawer furthest from the doorway. He kept it there just for these occasions. Jun was already curled up on the sofa waiting for him when he arrived. Nino, Ohno, and Masaki were still in the showers choosing to give the pair a few minutes together before they returned.

Jun's eyes never stray from the wall until Sho steadies the cup in his hands. “Everyone messes up Maachan. Don't put yourself down so much, you've got more important things to worry about. Like what movie or concert we're going to watch when we get back and what scented bath you want to share before we go to bed.” Jun's eyes did light up when he said that and Sho knew that he had done his job as a lover or at least the chocolate did because the mug was already empty.

“Let's shower and then go home Sho; I think I want to watch Love Tour.”

 

* * *

 

 

**9\. I'm Making Perfect Sense You're Just Not Keeping Up**

It was like any other walk home they had ever taken before. It was a clear night and for once the tabloids weren't following them on a night out. The others had disappeared into the thinning cabs to return home but Sho had offered his still pressed suit sleeve to his younger lover and lead them down the still brightened streets of the town around Jun's favorite bar. Years ago they would have bought cheap bear and cheaper food to celebrate the night in one of their tiny crappy apartments and passed out together in a tangle of nearly naked limbs. Tonight they walked through the lit paths of the beautiful city. Their apartment complex was a short thirty minute drive from the bar and garage Jun had parked his car in for the time being. Their voices float around them as they travel into the quiet park nearby and settle onto a bench they often frequented on their days out. The park was secluded and people other than young families rarely gathered there. Tonight it was empty; beautiful but empty.

“Maachan I picked something up for you the other day; a gift.”

“What is it?”

Jun tears his eyes away from the starry skies and they land on Sho's hands which are pulling two small boxes out of his bag. They were wrapped in an unassuming wine colored paper and tied one atop the other with a very light shade of purple ribbon. Judging by the slightly mess tape lines, Jun was sure the older man had wrapped them himself.

“Open the smaller one first, please?”Jun smiles indulgently and places the larger of the two boxes on Sho's knee. The paper falls away easily and the box opens to reveal a silver band woven into an infinity symbol. “Do you think you can plan a wedding in two months?”

“Sho I don't understand? We can't get married here; it's not legal.”

Sho can only laugh at the exasperation coloring Jun's voice. Perhaps he would have gotten angry before but they had been together for so long that things like this no longer bothered the pair “I'm making perfect sense Maachan; you're just not keeping up.” Sho places the cuff and ring together before sliding them onto Jun's slender wrist. They first perfectly. “Marriage is legal in Hawaii...where we will be in two months.”

 

* * *

 

 

**10\. Coffee**

He could still hear the little sighs the other man would make as he slept and curled comfortably into his chest. Sure he was a few inches taller but somehow those long limbs enabled him to properly wrap around him and curl into his body like he used to at their sleepovers. Even when he closed his eyes he was haunted by the other man and dreams of the way they touched so many times. Yes a week was a short amount of time considering how many times they traveled for work in the past but with the last argument still fresh it felt like an eternity until the other man would return to their home.

The soft piano music playing back to him is a warm reminder of the man who would hopefully soon be on the other line. “Moshi, moshi?” Sho couldn't help but sigh happily at that calming voice that seemed to be trying to hide confusion but failing due to lack of sleep.

Sho stays silent for a moment before taking a deep breath. “Did I wake you?” Jun yawns sleepily into the phone but does not hang up on the older man like he would his other band mates. He was tired yes but even half asleep he missed the other man's presence.

“It's three in the morning Sho.”

“Sorry Maachan...” Sho considers hanging up quickly and blaming it all on sleep dialing but the thought of talking to Jun was all too compelling considering their current circumstances. “I just needed to hear your voice...” Sho was trying to figure out where his brain was going with this train of thought and why he was doing nothing to stop it. “...and to tell you that I'm so sorry for anything and everything I've ever said that made you think that I don't love you. Maachan when you're not here I miss you. I miss your touch. I miss how you kiss me. I miss your shirts laying around and waking up to find you wearing my red boxers. I miss you stealing my sheets at night and wrapping around me to the point that it's almost suffocating. I can't sleep when you're not here. We both know I'm not eating properly. I don't even know how to work the coffee machine. I need you.”

Jun could not help but grin as he kept repeating the older man's name to get his attention. From the bed across from him Nino is giggling as his chubby fingers beat away at his DS. “Sakurai Sho stop rambling and listen to me.” Sho immediately cuts off as the line falls silent. Nino is laughing so loudly now that tears are dripping down his cheeks and Jun glares fiercely at his current roommate. “Can you survive for one more morning and not break our coffee machine? Nino and I will be home tomorrow evening. I promise I'll make you your favorite as soon as I'm home.”

That was all the goodnight they needed because the older man agrees and mumbles a quick goodbye and their conversation ends. “You're relationship is so weird...coffee?” Nino raises an eyebrow at the exasperated younger man.

“Yeah....coffee.”

 

* * *

 

 

**11\. Soccer**

Jun watches as a path of lights are shut out leading up to their shared bedroom. Finally his lover stands in the doorway pulling his shirt over his head and shimming out of his sweatpants before padding toward their bed. Sho had been in an off putting mood for most of the evening and it remains like a leech on his mood even after he shuffled under the opening in the blankets Jun had made. Their arms curve and pull one another into position until they're comfortably situated and Jun can stare into his lover's deep eyes. “You're upset.” He did not need to ask because he knew the older man knew that he could understand something was wrong. It was off putting when Sho was upset because he was genuinely easy to cheer up but when even food did not help Jun knew something was honestly and truly wrong.

“I felt useless today.” There is anger lying deep in Sho's eyes and he was struggling not to hide it from his worried lover. He never wanted to burden Jun with his problems but their were days like today that he felt like he was nothing but a burden to his band mates. “I couldn't even knock over a single can in kicking sniper. I was nothing more than a burden.”

Sho expects his lover to cuff him across the head or to admonish him severely for looking at himself harshly. Jun was not hard to read but Sho was not prepared for Jun to lean forward and begin planting tender kisses to each part of his face. The kisses flutter along his cheeks and down to trace his jaw before jumping from his chin to the tip of his nose and crossing each of his eyes. Finally Jun blesses his lips with a small indulgent peck. “You're never a burden. You are more important than you know. We'd never make it through an entire recording without having you their to hold us steady.” Jun kisses him again and again until he's left breathless and questioning what had gotten him so upset in the first place. “So what if your latent soccer skills refused to kick in today; I'll always be your number one fan Sho-kun.” It was sarcastic at best but it served it's purpose. Sho grins and lunges at his lover.

 

* * *

 

 

**12\. Life Makes Love Look Hard**

Love is hard. Sho had concluded this at the tender age of twenty when he had first understood the true meaning of loving another being. Matsumoto Jun was a dazzling eighteen year old superstar with a heart of gold thrice the size of almost anyone else Sho had ever met and he loved him endlessly. He loved him but theirs was not a love without it's faults and disarray of trials and tribulations. Sho was ill tempered at such a tender age and caused many a heartaches for the vibrant superstar that Jun was becoming. He had been so lost in the sight of what he could be losing instead of focusing on what he could be gaining that life was a millions times more difficult than what it should have been. Jun, so kind and good natured, had stood through his torrents of thunderous storms and came out stronger and more confident than ever. He had understood the small meanings of secrecy and the importance of privacy before even Sho knew the same thing. Rumors did little to derail the younger when they involved his older band mate and Sho had fallen impossibly more in love with the younger man for that. That is not to say that the superstar had not shot across boundaries himself but those small transgressions were just several more bumps in their paths that set them off course for a bit.

“What's got your mind otherwise occupied today Sho-kun?” Sho glances up at his lover and happily married husband where he sits perched atop the arm of the sofa of their green room with his wet locks wrapped in a towel. Jun's fingers idly skim across the subtle strands of shaved hair at the side of his head as he awaits on an adequate answer to his question.

“You do.”

One, rather large perhaps, eyebrow rises on Jun's lovely face and his cheeks perk the slightest as a smile tugs haphazardly at the corners of his full lips. “Oh. Why's that?” Jun settles more comfortably into the sofa and scrubs at his dark locks with a wolfish grin. Sho loved that about Jun; how one moment he could go from concerned and serious to an overwhelming bundle of childish exuberance at the slightest sign of attention from his husband.

“I just realize everyday how hard life makes love seem and how much stress I put you through when I thought life was particularly difficult.” Sho loved how easily Jun could go from understanding to worried and invested in a span of a few moments. If it involved others that he deemed his important people he would drop any task to ensure that their hearts were only filled with happiness. So instead of continuing his irrational train of thought he offers his husband one of his most dazzling grins and reaches up to cup his sculpted cheeks. “Arigato Maachan, I love you.”

A cherry cheeked Jun was certainly a rare sight but the cuff to the back of his head was well worth it if it meant being blessed with such a sight. Jun dark eyes roll toward the ceiling but a playful smile blossoms across his lips. “Baka, love is easy it's living life and remaining in love that's hard! We're just a pair of exceptionally stubborn old men who refuse to give up.” The comment would insult anyone else, most assuredly even Sho when he was a twenty something superstar, now it only served to make him laugh and press a plethora of unwanted kisses across his husbands face much to the laughing man's despair.

 

* * *

 

 

**13\. Even If It Leads No Where**

Maybe he was young; too young to understand what love truly meant in the eyes of many but that had never stopped him. He knew from a deep once desolate part of his heart that he would never understand or relish in a love more unbelievable than what he felt when he gazed upon the form of one Sakurai Sho. Costars, fellow Johnny's, no one else could compare to his band mate. They told him he would grow up and fall in love one day and regret having a career where he could not marry or date but he never regretted trying his hardest and meeting Sakurai Sho. He did not regret the hours of school activities overshadowed by dance practices or the struggles to make it to debut. He would never regret Hawaii and how the beautiful sun had set in Sho's eyes. How could he regret so much that made him deliriously happy. Perhaps it would lead no where, even so, as he stood in the pouring rain he loved Sakurai Sho undeniably in an impossibly unchanging way. “Even if it means nothing to you; you mean everything to me!” His courage was roaring like a lion but dying like a fawn as they stood in the freezing rain soaked through to the bone at midnight when he should have been rushing to catch the last train home.

Jun will always remember how soft the other man's lips were, although wet, for their first kiss. The massive cold and fever he got from the storm that night paled in importance when compared to that first moment he spent kissing Sakurai Sho. It was the beginning; the moment he truly felt alive.

* * *

 

****14\. Dance** **

 

 

 Jun loved to dance. Jun also hated to dance sometimes. There were nights when all he wanted was to go home and sleep so his head did not feel the over whelming urge to drop in class when he needed to stay awake the most. Tonight he knew he would be sacrificing sleep in favor of trying to figure out the numerous steps it was taking to perfect the choreography for their live performance this coming weekend for a national television. He hated the thought of letting his bandmates down and if his grades dropped the slightest he could always do better on the next test. “Maachan you're going to tire yourself out if you keep practicing like this. Should you be studying?” Jun gasps in surprise to see his band mate leaning against his bedroom door frame. While Jun was still tall and lanky the handsome Keio student with a freshly pierced ear was anything but awkward and lanky.

Jun was just beginning to adjust to his features as he grew into them. Sho on the other hand only got better looking with each passing day. Sho on the other hand found that the older Jun got the more he melted into the living breathing embodiment of every shoujo manga hero that had girls screaming about; ever. Jun had let his once short hair grow out to a short but much more manageable length and his glasses were replaced with contact lenses that had the girl at his school trying to get at him each day much to the companies displeasure. Jun was taller than Sho now and even with that his appearance did weird things to Sho's heart. Jun was lovelier than he thought he truly was, Sho thought.

“I just can't get it right!” Sho catches the glass frame his band mate had thrown before it can shatter and settles it on the nearby desk once more. Jun is shaking in rage and his eyes are narrowed angrily. So the older man uncoils his fists and places Jun's hands delicately around his neck. With a coaxing sway the two begin dancing in the silence surrounding them. “Sho-kun...” Sho can feel the rage leaving Jun's skinny frame as he relaxes into the unusual movements.

There was something about the way Jun was looking at him in this way that made the twenty year old's heart throb. His face was heating up but he dared not break the hold they had on one another. In a breathless second their lips were folded together and moving to the same ghost of a tune that their bodies had made. Year later Sho still won't know who initiated their first kiss but he will remember the dance and the ghost of a tune that neither had ever heard before that moment and could never erase from their head after.  

 

* * *

 

 

**15\. Dinner**

 It was just dinner. They had dinner at his parents house so many times together but all of that was before now. Before Sho was prepared to look his father in the eye and spill every last of their secrets. Before the coming days when the public would be welcomed into a press conference exposing their intentions. Jun could feel the way his palms were sweating and how heavy the silver cuff on his wrist felt. Perhaps it was the circle built to be removed and worn that was the heaviest part. “Are you alright Jun-kun?” Jun cannot suppress the jump of surprise well enough if Sho's mother's knowing grin is anything to go by.

“H-hai Sakurai-san, I'm just a bit tired from filming last night. Thank you for having us over on such short notice.” The older woman grins and pats his shoulder since she can no longer reach his hair like she had when he was younger. Jun had always loved Sho's mother despite being terrified by the man's father. The older woman was certainly very close to a second mother to the idol. He had spent a great amount of time at Sho's home for tutoring and sleepovers among other things. Their relationship only grew when the parents of the two men found out about their relationship. “We haven't had dinner together in a very long time.”

Sho's mother does not seem to buy the change of topic but hands him off dishes to carry into the dinning room anyway. Breathing a sigh of relief Jun follows after Mai as she carries a steaming dish into the large room. Sho and his father are talking excitedly with Sho's younger brother about his school life and how he was doing in sports. Sho eyes dart over to Jun and the younger man cannot help but grin reassuringly at his lover. He was nervous as hell but Sho did not need to see that. He was entirely and completely ready to share their big news. It was alright to show their love for a little.

Dinner was a surprisingly boisterous affair every time Jun ate at the Sakurai household. They talked about their daily lives and share stories of their work and the people they knew. They asked questions of how filming was and Sho's father even asked Jun how he was handling the stress of planning their newest album tour while still finalizing their anniversary tour set to happen at the end of the summer. Jun thoroughly felt at home in the Sakurai household most especially while sitting around the dining table. “Mama...Papa...Jun and I have some news we want to share with everyone.” Jun can feel the sudden urge to spray his wine across the table at Sho's sudden change of topic. Sho's hand is gripping Jun's knee as if to steady himself and Jun cannot help but give him a pointed look.

Sho's father finishes chewing and meets his son's gaze questioningly. “You're not breaking up are you? I've finally just convinced his mother to join us for our Christmas ski trip. It's taken us seven years.” After finally getting past the tough exterior that Sho's father presented, Jun found that the man was quite giving and although he did not originally agree with his son's choices he was incredibly proud of his first born. He also loved Jun as if he was his own child.

“No, no of course not Sakurai-san -”

“No Papa that would never happen!” Sho and Jun cut one another off and then smile helplessly toward the very confused older man. With a nod of encouragement from his lover, Sho continues forward but not without first taking Jun's hand in his. “Actually we were wondering if you would be able to fly to Hawaii for the last two days of our stay there since I've asked Jun to marry me.”

Silence reigns throughout the room for a few long moments until everyone is congratulating them and them moving onto talk about wedding plans and how Sho proposed. It was after all just another Sakurai family dinner despite the big news.  

 

* * *

 

 

**16\. Second Chances**

 It was strange meeting his eyes like this. From across the room he looked like he was trying to piece together the past to understand where everything went wrong. Glass shards lined the floor and the lamp shade is still rolling ever so slightly. Maybe they couldn't forget the past because it was laying out in front of them here. “You're so unpredictable, I don't know what to think anymore Jun. You're so unemotional, unattached, it makes me wonder if you're even still in love with me.” He was hanging on the edge and the other man was trying to find solid ground for them. It had been screaming and yelling all night as they threw things at one another but in the silence his words were so much louder than what their screams had been.

“I'm so unpredictable? You mean just like you used to be? So unemotional? I can't forget how you were, how we were!” He hates that he can't stop the tears now because had it been a few hours earlier they would have only continued throwing things but now the tears were breaking through the anger. “Sometimes it's so hard to forget the things you said, so hard to figure out if the next moment you're going to change back.” He didn't know what else to say. He was not adept at voicing his feelings to begin with and the feeling of being helpless only made him cry more as anxiety curled in his chest. It's so much harder the second time around.

“Jun.” The chasm was crossed carefully to avoid glass and furniture. There they were breath mingling as Sho calmly clears away the ragged tear lines and presses kiss after kiss into his lovers red face. “I'm so sorry I made you feel like you couldn't trust in me not to make the same mistakes. I'm sorry I never told you what you really mean to me to assure you that what this is, what we are, is not just a for now thing.” Jun follows the older man's pull and curls onto the floor with him to rest in his arms. Closing his eyes to the destruction of his home, he listens. “I'm gonna take my second chance to tell you that I can't promise I won't upset you, I can't promise that I won't make mistakes but I can promise you that the way I feel about you will not change. I love you Maachan; forever.”

 

* * *

 

 

**17\. Fetishes**

“Do you have any fetishes Sho-chan?”

The question was innocent enough but nothing from Nino was ever innocent. Usually his innocence meant ridicule later on when you wronged him in some way. “I don't have a fetish Nino.” Nino only raises an eyebrow at the older man and snorts dismissively. “I really don't.”

“Do you really think I don't know about your secret fetishes, Sho-kun?” Nino grins devilishly and Sho knows he might not make it out of this alive. Why in the world would he have allowed the other three to go and get food leaving him here with Nino who has only been trying to pry information out of him since he admitted to having a thing for Jun. “I see the way you look at him when he turns around Sho-kun or how your eyes instantly go to his lips when he bites them. You're fetish is-”

The door opens to the three other members carrying bags of takeout. “Don't you dare finish that sentence Ninomiya.” Nino grins devilishly at Sho and opens his mouth much to the twenty year old's horror.

“Sho-kun's fetish is Jun-pon.” Sho can feel his face darken in anger as Nino runs to hide behind Ohno who is laughing alongside Masaki. Jun levels him with a surprised look before offering him a reassuring wink. “Sho-kun likes Jun-pon's mouth the most though.”

Sho launches out of his seat reaching for the younger boy and threatening bodily harm. Jun for the most part is calm throughout the entire situation much to Masaki and Ohno's chagrin. “That's okay Kazu, Sho-kun's got every right to have those kinds of thoughts I'm his after all.” There's a devilish look in Jun's gaze that was rarely seen and Sho had to admit it was another fetish for him. Nino's eyes are wide beyond belief as Sho stops trying to kill him and smirks haughtily at him. “You see Nino fetishes are born, especially Sho-kun's, by knowing what it is those things can do.” Ohno spits out his drink with a sharp laugh as Nino glances frantically back and forth between the pair as they smile devilishly at him

 

* * *

 

 

**18\. I Dare You To Let Me Be Your One And Only**

 They were filming again and it was like any other day but today was different. Today he walked in knowing that at the end of it all he would tell him everything he needed to say for some many years now. He'd walk away giving the other man the choice to give him another chance. He didn't know why he was so nervous as filming drew to a close. He had been through every feeling and every word a thousand times before as he stood before his mirror getting ready for the morning. His palms were sweaty as they drove to the local bar for long awaited drinks; just the two of them after Nino conveniently had a migraine worth two thousand yen.

“What's wrong Sho-kun? I know you have a reason for this.”

Sho feels like he can't breath for a split second. “Look Jun I'm gonna tell you straight out what's been going on in my mind just hear me out okay. I'm in love with you. Kami only knows why it took me so long to let all my doubts go and realizes you're the one I want but kami Jun I want to be your one and only. Please give me a chance to prove I'm the one that can walk that road with you. I promise I'm worthy. I fall more in love with you every day.” The younger man looks on the edge of running away and breaking down when Sho finally looks up. His eyes speak volumes of what it is he's feeling and his mind is aching.

“I'm broken Sho...I'm not perfect, I can't even find myself sometimes. You know that...I've been broken. You don't want something broken.” Jun was shaking his head sadly. Sho wanted to tell him how wonderfully wrong he was but he continued forward. “You think you do but believe me you don't.”

“Maachan please listen.” Jun falls quiet once more and meets Sho's gaze. “No one is perfect, everyone's a little broken, believe me I've learned it. I know it's hard but I want to help you let go of that past and forgive yourself. I want you to let me be your one and only; I dare you to try.”

 

* * *

 

 

**19\. This picture - (A is for Arashi)**

** **

 They couldn't possibly publish this picture with Jun and Sho looking particularly dysfunctional. Perhaps they had been trying to make an 'A' or perhaps they had been caught in the middle of a flirtatious gesture but they left the corner of the group of five looking imperfect.

“They published it.”

Jun hated how they felt the need, even now, to look through their photo books when they came out. It only made him see every flaw in his own picture and wish he would have made his hair or outfit fit differently for that particular day. The entire photo was not bad until you got to his and Sho's ridiculous looking fingers.

“What were you doing?”

“I wanted to hold Maachan's hand but he wanted to make an 'A'.” Jun cannot help but smile at the hand curling possessively into his own. Sho had his own ways of showing everyone where Jun belonged and Jun had been around him long enough to accept and cherish the small moments for what they were. “Maybe they just like the picture? Thought we were cute or that it would help fans since we don't show a lot of attention to each other.”

Jun wishes he could control himself enough to hold onto Sho like he could Ohno, Nino, or Masaki. He wishes that they didn't feel like pretending was harder when everything they were doing was something they desperately wanted to do to begin with. Johnny was the one behind most of their skinship censorship because there were times when their romance showed through to the cameras without them ever having to touch. Perhaps this photo had been one of those moments judging by his boyish grin and Sho's easy going smirk; both looks they sported together often. Maybe they would be allowed to offer their fans more skinship in the future when they could better control their surroundings; maybe not. Jun would never complain much because at the end of the day Sho made up for every moment he couldn't hold his younger lover.

 

* * *

 

 

**20\. Let Me Love You**

 Sometimes, Jun thinks, Sho was harder to get through to than what he was when he was angry. He could be as difficult as a two year old and as standoffish as a fifteen year old. There were many a day when Jun wanted to rip his hair out and scream and shout but something always held him back. Jun understood Sho. He knew when to let him go and when to stop him from simmering in self loathing. He knew when to take away the pain and when to fight for their love. He knew when the older man needed a strong push and when he needed warm arms to curl up into.

Today was one of those rare days that Sho was the one sulking instead of his feisty lover. The teasing line from Nino had been directed toward Jun but it had certainly hurt Sho's feelings more than his lovers which appeared to be exactly what Nino was aiming for when he said it. Jun loved his band mates but sometimes spending every waking moment with them made for some sticky situations that never left someone feeling very happy about themselves. Today it seemed to be Sho's turn to feel awful. “Please go away Maachan.” It was simple and anyone else would have left the other man to sulk but not Jun. He knew that tone and he knew the pout and he knew everything little thing Sho wanted to say but hid away trying to be strong.

“No.” The lock clicks shut and the commotion from the production staff dies away leaving them in privacy at least for a few moments. Strong hands run through dark locks and latch on two ears one still bearing the scar of a piercing. “Let me love you Sho.” So he opens his arms to the younger man. Jun curls into his warmth and allows himself to be bent and held whichever way Sho pleases within reason. Maybe some would consider this the opposite of Jun's demand but not them. This was love and comfort and everything Sho needed but refused to ask for. The few stolen moments together would get him through the rest of the day without another fit and then Jun would allow him to bask in their love properly in the privacy of their own home when there was not work left to do in the day.

 

* * *

 

 

**21\. Sushi**

 “Sushi?”

“Hai Sushi.”

Nino looked entirely lost as to why a food would be their favorite memory but it was certainly something that the fans would connect with the gourmet pair. There surely had to be a story behind such a wonderful memory that they named it as they favorite one shared together. It did not say much more than they had share sushi together on a memorable night. “Would you care you explain why, curious fans and all?” They were on their own show today but Nino was surely not the MC so the topic would be safe at least for a small fragment of time.

“On the day we first moved in together we worked on unpacking for a really long time and while the kitchen was nearly done the rest of our house save for our bedroom was empty. We walked to the combini to get dinner and ended up buying cheap sushi and eating in on the floor in our living room where we somehow fell asleep that night.” Sho shrugs haphazardly and Jun smiles fondly at the memory. They were idols at the time, larger than life, but they had not forgotten what it meant to be human and to do silly things like fall asleep in an unpacked living room surrounded by the empty containers from their dinner. “I don't know why I love this memory so much or rather why we cherish it but somehow every time I see sushi I think of being at home together that first night.”

Jun grins at him through the mirror and Sho thinks that even now they would occasionally buy cheap sushi and crash in the living room when they really should have been sleeping for work the next day. “Sushi.” Sho chuckles as Nino tries to wrap his mind around the idea but he does smile and accept it before continuing to read the interview with the newlyweds. Of course they had looked over all the questions and rehearsed their answers together with Julie and Johnny but it was purely and solely their thoughts that answered.  

 

* * *

 

 

**22\. this picture - (ITAI)**

** **

 “Itai!”

“Stop being such a baby Sho-kun.”

“Yamero Maachan!”

Jun tugs once more at the edge of sleeve that was somehow caught on the zipper of Sho's shoes. Sho curses his name several more times as his wrist is tugged several different ways much to Jun's amusement. Sho clenches his teeth together with a snap when Jun finally pulls his sore wrist free. Of course to many Sho might have just been being a baby but Jun could still make out the small red lines racing around Sho's chaffed wrists. “Gomen Sho-chan.” It wasn't much more than a whisper into the skin of Sho's wrist but it melt his brash exterior as his lover presses a tender kiss to the skin inside his wrist. He knew it was not an apology for tugging so much as it was an apology for hurting his perfect wrists the night before.

“Make it up to me tonight Maachan...” Jun's ear perk at the gentle tone as the cameras flash. “I know this great place where the chef makes amazing Italian among other things.” Nino laughs incessantly when the photographers have to discard nearly every photo from their set because of the dark cherry color that had blossomed across Jun's cheeks.  


End file.
